So, I do actually have a Post of Substance to put up later on, about the pseudonym I've been using on the blog, the name not a single person has ever asked about. Curious silence, that. For now I'm going to string you along....
The development today is mildly related to the Franky Scale, which I'll post as a 6, but I'll say that right after getting up this morning it dropped drastically and suddenly, it rolled around in my gut for a while, then turned into projectile vomiting. It was a joy, I truly enjoy throwing up. Think of this clinically if this seems like too much information. I've been having nausea in some form (from mild to severe, intermittent to constant for days, etc.) on a regular basis since my second or third chemo cycle. With time it's become more severe, although impossible to predict accurately. For this I can take lorazepam, compazine, metoclopromide, or zofran (which costs something like $59/pill, fortunately mostly paid by insurance), and then things like ginger, tea, mints, popsicle, and the like. But apart from the very first cycle of chemo when I also had a fully impacted intestine and related pain, I have never thrown up, not once. That first time I think was from pain more than nausea.
This morning when I got up it was like somebody had simply pressed the big red button on a remote control pointed my way, the signal was in my stomach, I thought for about two seconds "This feels sudden...worse that usual?" About two seconds later I had a very immediate goal and target. Fortunately I made it. Anyway, that is the newest development, odd one it seems, after all this time. Good news is that today is the last day of this chemo cycle and no more xeloda will be going through my gullet for a week or so.
*ALSO, for commenters: I've been sorry to hear that some of your comments somehow "get lost" when you try to post them, so I guess just keep trying. I haven't been "moderating" them as in deleting them, they just don't always come through. You might write the comment in Word or some other program and then cut and paste so you have a back up copy.
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4 comments:
brother, fuck it all!!! how is your weight of late??? i know its a chore to eat but.... as with the vomit. i just remember with the kidlets. there were times when i wasnt sure i was ever gonna stop and truly thought that my stomach was truly coming out of my throat. it so pains me to hear this. it is not fun and i so wish i could so something. and you being alone with this makes my heart break. looking forward to seeing you soon.
t.s.: thanks for the sympathy, but really it's only been one time in four months. I can't start complaining yet, unless I really get it on a regular basis. Today just meant drink more gatorade. :-) Mr. J.
Sat. August 5th 2006
Dear Mr. Spot:
All I did was meet with our Realtor for 5 hours, looked for a little foodage and then collapsed into bed. All the while, you were writing and posting at least 2 new posts that I was not aware of. Given my obsession with looking at and digesting every word you write and your blog, this is considered unusual for me to miss.
You are a Masterful writer-- a true poet in every sense and definition of the word.
What a delight to wake up to. More words, more writings -- more of everything and anything, from my brother.
I know you sent that pen, The anonymous Mr. Jones. : )
More later.
For now, a little something from Carlos Fuentes:
Writing is a struggle against silence. ~Carlos Fuentes
Oh how very true... One more:
The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shockproof shit detector. This is the writer's radar and all great writers have had it. ~Ernest Hemingway, Paris Review, Spring 1958
You are one of those select few, a shit detecting, writer’s writer.
Your words touch, teach and impact so many.
Thank you for this gift.
I love you my brother and am sickened by the fact that you were nauseous enough to have to vomit. I wish you felt better.
Relax, drink Gatorade and keep fighting.
So many, now, even nameless and faceless people have joined
in our solidarity, compassion and support of you.
Loves,
Sheri
dear slarry: do think it's possible to add more praise to your comments? ;-) i'm not sure that i'm quite getting my due. thanks. -Mr. J
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