Friday, June 05, 2009

Not Cancer But It Still Kills

My Puppy Loves from sheri swaner on Vimeo.

UPDATED: 07/06/2009
This video, is a visual tribute to my doggies-- It is also a plea and reminder for any and all who desire to become and create a furry family, to RESPECT, regard and take responsibility for our furry family members- For they are a life long gift of love and responsibility- never to be taken for granted. One of the most precious gifts that life has to offer.

My puppies, Max who is 11 years old, Phoebe who is 7 and the lovely fur-ball Sydney is 5. Each are unique. They are sensitive, intuitive, with hearts of pure gold.

I am so grateful that I was their mother and a recipient of such unconditional love and precious puppy kisses.
I can't even envision a life without them. Yet each day,
I am having to learn how.

They are "the innocents” of a 'break up' and broken relationship. It is not fair, it is not right- and I will always be heart sick and disgusted by the choice and decision I was left to make on my own.

Max, Phoebe and Sydney are my heart and life. They made life and living worthwhile. I miss them more than I can articulate, more than I can bear.
A huge empty hole and void has been left-- I struggle to fill it up with memories of their smiles, antics, generosity and unconditional love.
I miss you, my precious pups and will love you forever, infinitely and eternally. And will always be grateful you allowed me the blessing, the gift,
of being your Mom.

The following video contains some of my favorite and most cherished visual memories of
"My Puppy Loves."

The poem is written in honor of them;
for the many years of gracious, unconditional love and joy they so graciously offered me--
everyday and in every way.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Dedicated to:
CHAPIN, MAX, PHOEBE and Sydney--
My Love Puppies.

Music by: Livingston Taylor, singing "I Will."

“You are my other eyes that see above the clouds;
My other ears that hear above the winds
and clamorous demands.
You are the part of me that can reach out into the sea-
And see, with crystal blue clarity.

You have treated me like I am your reason for being;
At times like this, knowing that, has brought me such comfort.
You are my babies; my lover bums,
The ‘people’ I enjoy being with the most.

I love the way you rest against my leg;
the thumping and wagging of three tails!

I am sorry for the times we went out of town
or on vacation, even for just one night--
I know it was confusing and scary.
(I think it makes you sick with worry when you can’t go along to care for me.)

When I am wrong, you are gracious
and easy to forgive.

When I am sad or hurt, You all become clowns;
Running around on your collective bottoms,
Jumping on top of one another,
Sneakily stealing more socks!
You magnify your antics--
Until I smile and laugh again.

When I am happy, your joy is limitless
and inexhaustible.
When I am a fool, you ignore it.
When I succeed, you want to tell everyone.
(Little braggarts)

Without my three precious pups, I am just another person.
With them, I am unique, a Mother, with the ability to show and spread kindness,
Unconditional Love, as I learn more life lessons.
It is because of you that
I have learned about LOVE.

I have learned the importance of forgiveness.
The beauty of gratitude.
You epitomize and define the word LOYALTY-
And have taught me the meaning of true devotion.

With you, I know a secret comfort and a private peace found no where else.
You bring me understanding and comfort, during the times when I am sad or confused.
You watched over me, with a gentle nudge or kiss,
When I lost my brother and mother.

Your heads on my knee or foot --
Brings reassurance, comfort and understanding
From any human hurt or pain

Your presence, either by my side, or in my heart,
Has shielded and protected me against my fears--
Of dark and unknown things and places--

The aches of my heart are minimized
By your countless smiles and unwavering understanding.

One of my most favorite memory-
Is how you greet me when I come home;
Whether I am gone ten minutes or Six hours
Your reaction is the same:
You scurry around looking for a favorite toy or bone
To give and present me with.
And for whatever reason
You are ALWAYS happy to see me.
(You little tail waggers)

You promised to wait for me... whenever... wherever
In case I need you...
(Of course I do.)
For this, I am especially grateful.
I know I will always need and think of you.

You have made my life better;
Complete and whole--
Because of you,
I am a far better person.

Besides, You are just my dogs--
(That sentence speaks volumes of what we share)
All three of you are:

My Family, My Heart.

I love you with all of my heart, always and forever.
Your Mother,


Thursday, June 04, 2009

Cancer Survivor Manifesto by Donna Trussell

Kate Winslet & Jim Carrey in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

Cancer Survivor Manifesto
June 3, 2009 by donnatrussell

“I am not a concept.”

Famous last words from Clementine, aka the glorious Kate Winslet in the best love story you’ve never seen, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Like Clementine, I too am not a concept, but I am sometimes treated like one.

I am a cancer survivor, but I am not brave. I’m chicken. That can be a good thing, though. I can be a very squeaky wheel. When you have cancer, even the smallest advantage counts.

I am a cancer survivor, but I will not make a better friend to you than someone who is not. Most likely I’ll be worse. I have been traumatized. I can be mean. I can find fault with almost anything you say or do. And you can’t get me on it, because I’m always on home base.

I am a cancer survivor, but I am not more spiritual than you or anyone else. You think because I’ve been sick I’m closer to God? How do know what I’ve been saying to God? Could be things that are unprintable.

I am a cancer survivor, not the embodiment of loved ones who’ve abandoned you in your time of need. I know it can feel that way. Sometimes it seems like everyone — even a casual acquaintance — who walks away is deserting you. You want to grab a leg and plead: Take me with you to your world.

I am a cancer survivor, but I can not make up for the life that once stretched out before you. I realize I am a poor substitute. But so are you, for me.

I am a cancer survivor, but I am not civic minded. I do not want to bake cakes. I do not want to ask people for donations. I do not want to attend meetings in windowless rooms.

I don’t know how long I’ve got. I just want to be. More than the most zen monk or holiest priest you’ve ever met, I just want to be.

In Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Clementine tells her lover she is not a concept. She’s just a screwed-up girl looking for a little peace of mind.

Amen, Clementine. Who more than you deserves it? Who more than me?

Posted in Cancer, Film | Tagged cancer survivor, eternal sunshine, kate winslet | No Comments
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Thank you Donna,
for yet another incredible, reflective, honest post on cancer.
I appreciate and love your mind and passion-
and will always be grateful we 'bumped into' one another,
as I continue to learn and be in awe of you.
You and Scott would have been great pals--
I already believe you are 'soul mates.'