Friday, June 30, 2006

6.30.06, Dada and Distraction

Franky Scale for today feels like another variable score, a 6, a 7, a 6. Currently we're looking at the world from the 7 side of things and am, I am, we are thinking of heading into NYC to take a look at the Dada exhibit at MOMA. Seems entirely appropriate with the not always stated but everpresent theme of the absurd that runs through the blog, and more accurately through my Life since diagnosis day and all the days of working to accept and understand and plan since then. Plan to be normal. Plan to live in the most spontaneous way possible.

Being elsewhere is not allowing a lot of time for me to post, so even though talking about Buddhism and the insight paradox of "life is suffering" and "suffering stems from desire / attachment," paired with the question I always have of "Doesn't a desire to exit the cycle of rebirth and attachment to the idea of not suffering contradict the whole idea of 'rid yourself of desire and you rid yourself of suffering'?" is desireable. Or something along those lines. It's not happening today. All of which relates because the idea of not being attached to this world or this life, well, . . . you can figure out how it might apply. I'll keep pondering and thinking of it in post-form, until I post again, until then, Dada.


tossing salads said...

dada to you brother dear. i cant think of a more sobering thought of not being attached to this life. this life. what a wonderful thing. i love this life. obviously i cant think of anywhere else id rather be. ;) it sobers me. i love life. i know you have lived life to the hilt. experimented, explored, and found out truths, lies, contridictory, but still, this 'life'. it breaks my heart. its been a tough week, lots of losses to this fucking disease. i am overwhelmed by what you are showing me, i will not go gentle myself. thank you for you gift of showing. have fun, dada.

Slarry said...

Friday June 30, 2006

At midnight tonight another month will have passed since my brother, Mr. Jones, was first diagnosed with pancreatic cancer-approximately three months and some change ago.
In his most recent blog, he speaks of suffering, the franky scale, He talks of being elsewhere and his plan to live a normal life, with spontaneity while under extraordinarily harsh and difficult conditions. I’m grateful for his trip to New York. I’m grateful for his friends there and that they can all be together. I love franky. : ) Stepho insisted that she able to second that in my comment since I’m hogging the computer. Shocking. She also wants to tell you how wonderful it is that you are seeing a Dada exhibit at the MOMA -that is something she has always dreamed of doing. Enjoy every minute of it and pace yourself. While you’re there, pick one up for us. We need something for the periwinkle wall above the fireplace.
: )

And yet, this ever present terminal illness follows him everywhere he goes, even to the Moma. And as my utter contempt, disdain and fear of his disease continues to grow and deepen, as his questions about life and death seem more frequent and prevalent, Mr. Jones, does in fact, continue to live. Really live.
I don’t mean just physically. He continues to read, write and study--- activities that he not only loves but is so proficient at. Having his beautiful mind, as franky so often refers to it, become even more expansive and even more beautiful.
So today, I honor you, my brother, and acknowledge your graciousness, patience and strength. Especially while having to suffer unimaginable pain and your having to wonder, ponder or question the rest of your plan, the rest of your time. That word has taken on a whole new meaning.
I hope you are having a good time and the the franky scale, and Mr. Frank himself, are rolling out high numbers.
I love you and am so proud and grateful to be your sister.
You won’t go gentle--- just keep fighting as you are teaching us the same.
I hate stinking Pancreatic Cancer and that anyone, especially you have to go through this.
Sheri (and Steph, who just butted in)