11.17.06 Friday Slide

Today's the last of a long week for me. Nothing eventful to be marked, save its end, no great ordeals or traumas, no riveting stories — unless you're overly interested in bodily functions and myriad fluids, let's leave that one there — just another name for another bit of time to say a little more has past. Everything seems to continue, and thought the next restaging is a few weeks away, it seems the cancer is moving right along with the time and the gradual diminution of days. Meds keep going, supplements, as well, calls now and then, emails — though I'm slacking there a bit — energy, and the various complications that are what they are and don't need mentioning today.

I do still appreciate the emails, comments, etc. From yesterday, 34DD, thanks and good to hear from you again; TS, I feel all your concern and the love you send and my thoughts are with you though my voice is often disconnectd; Slarry, I always appreciate your willingness to help out and know how genuine it is. Mom is out there somewhere, too, hopefully doing well: if someone could fill me in on today's check up I'd appreciate that. And from a couple of days ago: Jen, I am so sorry we couldn't meet up before your departure. But I hope you're in a better place and things conintue to improve. My thoughts are with you, both of you. Take good care.

My super came up to check out some apartment repairs today. I wasn't in the best form I guess so he asks whether I'm all right, says I look like I might have the flu or something. I thought I had mentioned my "condition" once some time ago, in order to expedite any FedExes that come for me since they're often meds I need, but apparently I hadn't. So for some reason I decided just to tell him, especially as he lives on my floor, he's a good guy, and he does stop by to drop off packages when they show up. (A new sofa in the mail today, a little more comfort for denizens and future guests. . .) Anyway, I told him, "Nah, it's not the flu, I have cancer." And Sam just kind of looked at me, "Jesus, Scott, don't tell me bad news.... What kind of cancer?" It took him a minute to mentally locate the pancreas, and he tells me he's just taking biology right now and has been learning these body parts. He finds it in his mind, then just says "Ah, don't tell me such sad news."

Just straight up, a moment. He didn't know what to say but, like so many of us have learned, if we didn't already know, that's not nearly as important as the sentiment involved. His sincerity was touching. It was just a small real event for the day. I don't know if I should call it a "bright" spot, it did bring some odd relief though. The small human connections.

Today's Franky Scale, related to this event, and seemingly increasing in its import or the degree to which I feel it defines my life right now, is low. Today's been down there, probably a 4 most of the day, though in the last couple of hours there's been some relief. It kind of marks this whole week, a tough one overall. A bit of slide, that.

I wish there were more to pass on, or better to pass on. Maybe with a little more time. Soon it will be thanksgiving, I'll be headed to Zion again, that strange spiritual testing ground of my youth. Family, friends, old places. Memory. Memories. And all the young kids running around in my family providing some sense of future. The travel itself I'm not psyched about, though it's a very manageable trip, still I am looking forward to seeing everyone. So that comes soon. For my friends there I hope you'll be able to stop by — I might not be incredibly mobile there but I should be available.

All right then, just that for a check in today. Thanks again to everybody for the good thoughts, the support, and the love. On we go, for now at least.


P.S. "pho" is soup. No repeat required :)