Friday, May 12, 2006

5.12.06 [Guest Blog], Frank, Non-Being, & Buddhistic Calm

[unexpergated, unedited. -Mr. J]

To say my four days visiting with Scott in Seattle was intense would be as great an understatement as Scott telling me his elevator was slow. We laughed, we cried, we read, we talked, we slept and that was just in the eight story ride up the elevator to his penthouse apartment. I told you about Scott’s apartment in my first guest blog and honestly I was overwhelmed by the response. Phone numbers! Lingerie in the mail? It's all so crazy! It’s not about me - it's about my boy! Sir Scott.

The medical side of it all is incredible to watch. The pills. The liquids. The strength to run when he can barely stand. The need to fight on through it all. Fight, fight and by no means, under no circumstances.... “go gently.”

I can’t wait to return to Seattle and live large again with my friend and stare at the Space Needle, wonder what Gehry was smoking? Explore Rem's Kool House Library and imagine a vegan life style and a latte permanent fixed in my hand. I find peace every day in the blog as I’m sure the rest of us do.

As my spiritual advisor and the “godfather” of my daughter, Scott’s wisdom has shown me the importance and ridiculousness of many religions. Hs continues to teach and educate me but from a new, unfamiliar and medically challenging arena. With that...the wise words below are for Scott, about Scott.....they are least for me.

Love you my brother!

The greatest achievement is selflessness.
The greatest worth is self-mastery.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest precept is continual awareness.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.


[disenchanted princess] said...

dearest franky -

know you're reading the words of a *slightly* inebriated individual, but one who just felt oh so compelled to say 'hi' nonetheless. p-man might cringe as a, the??, notorious drunk dialer finds her way online . . .

i wanted to comment on the absolute unreality of this situation. that is, the one that exists until the moment when the brick of reality bloodies your face and you can hardly breathe. how do you fight something that you can't see? how can it exist if you will it away? if someone has the answers, then i have a dissertation to be written . . . =)

but, this isn't about me, so to all the struggles, within THE struggle - workers of the world unite!

Slarry said...

Mr. Franky, thank you for that poem and sharing your thoughts, your feelings-- while watching Scott learn to struggle, choose which shoes to wear in his fight against a disease that is not so viisiable to the eye. But with the heart, one can see it all; the anguish, the questions, the fear-- and yes the contined wisdom. His journey, his fight, has me totally befuddled of late. What to do? How to be helpful? Am I saying the wrong things? When to visit and be with my brother? Timing?
This blog, a great source of comfort, in this, the most uncomfortable situation I've ever found myself in. To continue to rage, to fight against this senseless disease.
But this is not about me, only in the sense that I am one of the "supporters"-- the fighters and a fan of the Scott. I find myself worrying too much about how Scott's illness, his pain effects me-- what will I do in a world without Scott? Who am I, if indeed, this illness robs him of his full and eloquent life? Thus, robbing me of the person I'm closest to, one of the people I'm so enmeshed with, that I'm already struggling today, with who I am, what will I be? as I try and define and figure it all out---
Yet again, I have to keep reminding myself, this is not about me. But I am struggling to find strength and direction right now. My franky scale is about a 3. Unable to move, unable to talk, unable to offer support and comfort. But I will figure it out--- I'm learning how to find my own answers, my own strength, without having to burden Scott with my own frailities and demons. And so I will rise up to the challenge, even and amongst some who are attempting to distract me from my quest, though not intentionally-- they still drain me from what matters most. I will cut through the layers of bull shit, the pathetic- the cloud I currently find myself in-- and care, love and support in the way I want. To fight and show my love for my brother, in my own way. "To fight that unbeatable foe ... and folllow that star, no matter how far ...." and be present as I continue to learn about this journey, from my brother's own lips and from the perspective of his friends and loved one's.
Special love and thankfulness to frank, daisy, princess -- and of course, to Sir Scott. My one and only brother, and, as I am discovering, my biggest source and example of strength.To him I offer my renewed strenth and all of my love. And a new determination.
I love you-- and will rid myself of my own demons, to be present for him, my one true thing.
Love, Sheri

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