Saturday, November 04, 2006

11.0.06 Due to Overwhelming Response

For the readership, I realize that weekends are not Big Blog times based on the traffic reports I get on this site, and that makes sense. Still I was a little surprised there were no requests at all for additional info from my end recently. So be it.

I did have an unexpected doctor's appointment yesterday (resulting in three new scripts — at least temporary ones), a night of some relatively new symptoms that necessitated that, other areas of life are just gliding as they tend to glide — surreally most of the time — there's a symphony tonight downtown I'll be heading to with Kim. Tchaikovsky's 5th, and some work by Berlioz, too, I think. Then a red letter day on Monday when my first graduate student is going to defend her Ph.D. dissertation. One for the academic genealogy. (Which makes you, David, a grandfather in a sense. Doesn't it?) An event I still would have been excited for, however, one that takes on dramatically new significance in light of the Big Casino life I live now.

Today I got a massage, lying on either my right or left side the whole time. Great overall, including some tips about how to stretch more effectively so I can continue to sleep on my sides and not get so tightened up in one shoulder or the other.

Franky Scale would float in around a 6, though the massage period would bump it all up to a 7, a little spike.

[Psych Check]
•My feelings and veiws on this whole experience are morphing once again, a kind of global shift where I'm seeing a period end, a period beginning, wondering all the while whether "period" is even an accurate way to describe the category of experience I'm undergoing, or one could say that we are all undergioundergoing own particular ways. Nothing every happens in a vacuum. Just a vague allusion to feeling here on my part, that they exist, slide, shift modalities, every changing, just to announce a change but not to flesh it out that change just yet, perhaps because I cannot quite get my intellectual paws around it yet.

•Some time back there was more Schock, there was more Fear or Resignation, there was more Curiosity, there even seemed to be an unexpected sense of Enlightenment, satori or kaehwa or call it was you will. It's been a complicated clockwork of expreience through intellect, rawest feeling through most naked experience. What to say? How to describe it? Unidirectionally? Through time, through space? Dialectically? It must be the latter, as anyone who knows me well will attest, good old-fashioned dialecic with a negative twist. Straight up.

Too, it looks like I'll be in SLC for the national genocide holiday. Likely not a long trip but a visit none the less. From Thursday to the end of the weekend I think. (Why does everything seem and feel so tentative these days? Always a "maybe" "as if" "if only" and "perhaps" . . .)


tossing salads said...

as "if" baby brother. you can have your "maybes" actuall. for me, i hope you know, that its always and will always be whatever it is that will make you feel at ease. i want you as stress free as humanally possible. it would make me sad if i never got to see you again but if you cant make it or i cant get up there. i would be at peace that i tried to give you what i think you have needed. no demands. just wanting to enjoy what time we have shared. so ill look forward to seeing you or not as the case may be. i love you. i honor you in your quest. am grateful for all that you have shared. it has enlightened and given pause. thanks.

Slarry said...

A Saturday with a massage, followed by a
little night music sounds good. I hope it was.
the "maybes" "if onlys" and tentativeness --
I wish were more clear.
One thing is certain and constant--
is that you are loved.
One of my biggest wishes for you: is no pain.
And for peace.
Congrat's on your student defending her dis come
Monday. What a proud poppa you must be. : )
Full circle.
Looking forward to seeing and being with you
and all the other Turkey's.
Love you and here if you need anything.

spacely said...

Can't wait to see your silly face. Whit and I just had an imprompto luna gathering. We went to see the grand niece, princess jasmine and got to see pretty much everyone. Matt, Deb, Garth, and Ali had just gone to see dan across the street. They arrived at mike's apt about the time we did and david ,michael and jasmine were chillin'. You'll laugh yourself silly when you see this tiny crazy baby running around with 6 teeth!!!! Then there's michael who throws her around like she's a doll!! Love you,love you, love you.I wish there is some way to relieve you of your pain. see you soon, hopefully. We are crossing our fingers and toes , eyes and nose hairs that you'll make it here.
P.S. One of our cute young men in our ward was just called to the korea, seoul west mission!

david said...

I dunno if my post went through. I always worry that it hasn't. But I
read about your grad stdent coming up for the thesis defense, and wanted
to say congrats to her, and you, and me the grandfather, and especially,
what a good thing it was you did those many years ago, when you took the
plunge and came into the grad program at Cornell. No Korean lit
program, but you managed it, the very first Ph.D. student I'd ever had.
Many thanks, and deep regards for your courage then, and now.

Anonymous said...

Hi Scott,

It's me, Mickey. Be strong, resilient. What else can I offer but a poem & its translation.

A une Damoyselle malade
Clément Marot

Ma mignonne,
Je vous donne
Le bon jour ;
Le séjour
C'est prison.
Puis ouvrez
Votre porte
Et qu'on sorte
Car Clément
Le vous mande.
Va, friande
De ta bouche,
Qui se couche
En danger
Pour manger
Confitures ;
Si tu dures
Trop malade,
Couleur fade
Tu prendras,
Et perdras
Dieu te doint
Santé bonne,
Ma mignonne.

To a Sick Damsel

My sweet,
I bid you
a good day;
The stay
Is prison.
Then open
Your door,
And go out
For Clément
Tells you to.
Go, indulger
Of thy mouth,
Lying abed
In danger,
Off to eat
Fruit preserves;
If thou stay'st
Too sick,
Pale shade
Thou wilt acquire,
And wilt lose
Thy plump form.
God grant thee
Good health,
My sweet.